Welcome to Bailly Anger Management Guide
Anger Management And Job Loss Article
This is a selection made from among articles on Anger Management And Job Loss. For a permanent link to this article, or to bookmark it for future reading, click here.
Change Your Internal Conversations to Control Your Anger
from: Dr. Tony FioreEvery Holiday season Vicki found herself angry and silently seething at her older sister, Susie, and mother as they were merrily chatting about Susie’s successful life.
Thanksgiving was no exception. Vicki had to sit stoically while Mom praised Susie’s new house, her recent promotion at work and how well the grandchildren were doing. Not once did their mother or Susie ask about Vicki’s life in a way that sounded sincere to Vicki.
As a result, Vicki was feeling ignored. Sensing this, sister Susie tried to make contact with Vicki by inviting her to her daughter’s upcoming graduation at which she would be giving the Valedictorian address.
This invitation put Vicki in internal turmoil. While she wanted to be part of the family, there was this inner voice telling her things like: “Sure, they talk to me when they want something!” and “Why should I spend money on a gift when I’m not really part of the family anyhow? Besides, Susie didn’t come to my daughter’s graduation last year.”
What We Think is What We Get
At this point, Vicki is gettng more upset and angry as she struggles with her inner conversation. “Why do they treat me this way?” she is asking herself. “They should pay more attention to me. They never give me credit for anything.”
If someone asked Vicki what was causing her anger, she – like most people – would say something like “It’s my family… they are impossible NOT to get mad at… they constantly make me angry because of the way they act toward me.”
Trigger and Responses
And, like most people, she would only be partially right. While her family members may serve as a TRIGGER for her angry feelings, it is the conversation she has with herself about her family that really causes distress and angst.
New self-messages (or thoughts) can make the difference. As human beings, we have the capacity to monitor our own thinking patterns – to think about what we are thinking about – and thus change our emotions.
Monitoring and changing internal conversations is an important tool for anger management any time of the year, but is critical around the holidays. Holidays encourage family members to interact with each other, sometimes re-igniting lifetime dynamics and painful issues.
Holiday Self-Help Messages
Break bad habits by choosing one, or more, tactics from the following list. But remember, it takes repetition to develop these new “thought” skills:
1.Control: I don’t NEED to get defensive. I can stay calm and deal with it.
2.Keep Cool: As long as I keep cool, I’m in control of myself.
3.My Anger is a Signal: Take the time to talk to myself and relax.
4.Limits: I can’t control my relatives and in-laws. They will think and do what they want. But I CAN CONTROL how I express my feelings.
5.Surviving Criticism: If my family criticizes me, I can survive that. Nothing says I have to be perfect.
6.Reality: The way my family sees me isn’t necessarily the way I am. Their perceptions may be totally wrong.
7.Toleration: This visit will soon be over. I can hold on for a bit more.
8.Acceptance: I have to accept that my family may not treat me the way I would like – but I can live with that.
9.Independence: Nothing says I have to live up to the expectations of my parents or relatives.
10.Reality Check: Maybe I am over-reacting to what they are saying. I understand my anger or insecurity may come from outdated feelings.
11.Inner Strength: I don’t need to doubt myself; what they say doesn’t HAVE to upset me. I’m the only person who can make me upset or calm.
12.Time Out: Before my angry outburst, I will take a “time-out” to cool off, think about these things and calm myself.
About the Author
Dr. Tony Fiore is a So. California licensed psychologist, and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, provides anger and stress management programs, training and products to individuals, couples, and the workplace. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter "Taming The Anger Bee" at www.angercoach.com and receive two bonus reports.
Anger Management And Job Loss News
Paulson resists Democrats' call to rescue homeowners - Los Angeles Times
Reporting from Washington -- Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson told unhappy congressional Democrats on Tuesday that, barring a new catastrophe, the Bush administration intended to stand pat on its existing effort to stabilize financial markets ...
Read more...Experts: companies can take precautions to prevent workplace violence - San Jose Mercury News
Nov 18: SiPort struggling to recover from killing of executives Families mourn loss of victims in shootings at Santa Clara startup Nov 17: Seemingly similar paths cross at tragic shooting As economic clouds gather over Silicon Valley and layoffs ...
Read more...First, You Get Mad - Huffingtonpost.com
Wow. It's kind of unbelievable, really. You take something away from people, and they get angry. Take away hard won rights, and equal protection for those they love, and people get really angry . In the week since, California has seen an outpouring ...
Read more...Trinity Mirror imposes pay freeze for whole of 2009 - Lancashire Evening Telegraph
A year-long freeze on pay increases and bonuses has been imposed on all Trinity Mirror staff, the company announced today. Chief executive Sly Bailey announced the move to staff in an e-mail today, citing the "severe impact of the economic downturn ...
Read more...Selected recent California newspaper editorials - Riverside Press Enterprise
With such staggering losses from this weekend's outbreak of fires in Southern California, what's astonishing is what we didn't lose: human lives. The wind-driven fires that exploded in the northeast San Fernando Valley, Montecito, Anaheim Hills ...
Read more...Digital Media - CNET News
"I would expect Microsoft to come back within the next three or four months," said Eric Jackson, an activist Yahoo shareholder who was among the investors angry with Yahoo's management for not accepting Microsoft's previous bid. "I think Microsoft ...
Read more...Five Mistakes by DC and Detroit Hurt Detroit Three's Survival Shances - Huffingtonpost.com
Mistake #1 : Consumers and the environment are no longer considered in Washington's loans to the Detroit Three. In Sen. Harry Reid's new bill to allow direct and swift loans to the Detroit Three, consumers and environmentalists are being forgotten ...
Read more...